0

Love is patient, love is k… ok what the f@$% is this.


Good morning, you’re welcome.

OK Cupid Enemies. Is. Awesome.

0

When your ex goes social…


Happy Wednesday!

We found this gem on Pinterest this morning. After some digging, it appears the creator made the board as a tribute to her current boyfriend’s ex, noting how crazy & stalky said ex is. She fails to note the inherent craziness of building a board like this in the first place, but let’s not split hairs.

Some social love, courtesy of Pinner JenN

If anyone has access to the court documents, we’re all ears.

1

Ask An Expert – Mike Masters


We’ve heard that some of our loyal fans need some additional relationship advice, so here’s our latest installment of Ask an Expert! Today’s expert is Mike Masters, relationship author extraordinaire who currently has 4 books published helping you get into new and handle getting out of old relationships.

1) What’s the best breakup story related to Facebook have you heard?

Oh lord, FB can be a horrible place for breakups and general crappiness. A close friend and his fiancé broke up a few years ago, but after they did, her new boyfriend found out they had posted an adult video on a prominent website. My friend couldn’t remove the vid as the website now owned it. The ex GF’s new BF couldn’t accept this, so he called my friend’s work and got him fired from his job by referencing the video. My friend retaliated by contacting their 500 plus FB friends, saying, “Check out Linda’s latest performance!” Which was linked to the adult video. I don’t think, mom, dad, brother, sister, boss were too excited to see this link, well maybe the boss didn’t mind.

2) What do you think the next technology that will really change relationships is?

I think that tech is already here and it is the iPhone. People just don’t realize yet how it is changing the dating scene. The apps that are out, and going to come out are the key, not the phone itself. For example, using your FB app and adding someone is effortless, and so much less intimidating than getting a phone number. The app “bump” allows you to just bang phones and exchange info. Grinder, is an awesome app to meet people in your area, but unfortunately just for the gay crowd. Google Latitude, allows you to know the location of all your friends. (Imagine if your BF or GF always knew your location, bit of a problem!) I even want to make an app associated with my Texting book called “Drunk Lock!” you would turn it on before drinking, locking yourself out of FB, and certain phone numbers, unless you can successfully preform a physical task to unlock your phone. That way when you are on your 6th tequila shot you won’t be able to post on your ex girlfriend’s FB wall and say, “Hony, I mis, you sooo much. Stp sex with you boss an pleaes try again???”

3) What’s the worst text you can send to someone you’ve just started dating?

It really isn’t about saying anything in particular, it is about how you are perceived. You see, initial contact is super delicate. Both of you are assessing each other, and if one person comes off even slightly too intense/weak, the game is over. This is why people need to be very cautious with balance initially, since this is the time when sexual tension is created. This particular problem addresses 90% of the questions I get from readers. Something like, “Help! I read your book and I realized why I messed up big time, can you help me gain their interest again??” Unfortunately, getting someone back on the line after messing up the balance is like trying to climb a tree upside down. Possible, but probably better not to bother.

4) What characteristics make the ideal partner in a relationship?

This has a lot more to do with you than it does with “them” and it is an awfully complicated topic, but fortunately I have summarized this before and this list likely
will become a short book.

Conditions necessary for positive tension and healthy relationships:

  • Independent strength – you are strong and you do not need the other’s strength
    to survive.
  • Intelligence – equal and balanced, both of you look up to the other.
  • Opinionated – Lovers don’t need to have the same world-view, in fact to push
    your partner to a new understanding of the world is a beautiful gift.
  • Demanding of respect – Without this, no love can maintain. You must be willing
    to lose what you love in order to protect who you are.
  • Continuous desire for growth – This must be present and equal in both partners,
    you don’t need to be moving in the same direction, but you must be moving at
    the same speed.
  • Equal physical/sexual attraction – If you can look at your lover and say, “My
    god… is that who I am going to make love to tonight?” Wow, is there any greater
    positive sexual tension than this? (However, Love sheds pounds and fixes
    hairlines)
  • Intellectual connection – Intelligence is not enough, you must love and enjoy the
    beautiful pattern of thought the other person weaves, knitting yourself into their
    being.
  • Fun, Humor and delight – Without laughter and joy, what relationship can be
    whole?
  • Communication – This is the glue that binds your resonance, without it your
    pattern will unravel and the connection will be lost. It is a skill, and one you have
    to constantly maintain.

5) What’s the most common ‘red flag’ that a relationship is doomed?

Gottman, J.M. summarized this in his book on “Why marriages succeed or fail and how you can make yours last”
Here are his stages:

1st Criticism
2nd Contempt
3rd Defensiveness
4th Stonewalling

The true “red flag” or tipping point in any relationship is contempt. Once this stage has been reached it is pretty much impossible for any relationship to recover.

This tipping point usually occurs because there is a lack of power balance in the relationship, and one partner “abuses” the other partner in order to get them to reestablish the balance or force them to “step-up”. However, what usually happens is the weaker partner, becomes smaller out of fear. This of course, is the opposite of what to do and the dominant partner becomes disgusted, and puts even more pressure on the relationship until they hit a breaking point.

If you would like to learn more about Mike’s work please visit Mike’s Amazon author page at http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Masters/e/B004RFCRJG or visit his blog at http://www.mikethemasterdater.com

Remember, for all things relationships, TWIDY is here to help!

0

Ask An Expert – Thomas Edwards, The Professional Wingman


In an effort to get you guys in relationships, knowing you’ll end up back here anyway, here’s our latest installment of Ask an Expert! Today’s expert is Thomas Edwards, CEO of The Professional Wingman, a dating company helping individuals enhance their dating, social and professional lives through development and lifestyle strategy.

1) What is the biggest mistake guys and girls make in trying to meet someone?

Both sexes have problems with fear. For example, once they see a person they are attracted to, they freeze. The biggest mistake people make is not taking that first step, whether it’s walking over and introducing yourself (if you’re a guy), or making eye contact and smiling (if you’re a woman).

2) What’s the most important thing to look for in a wingman?

It’s most important that a wingman be quick on his feet. Sometimes you and/or your buddy can be put into a situation unexpectedly and it’s going to be your responsibility to make the best of the situation for both of you. Someone who can adapt to any situation nearly guarantees you’ll have a good night.

3) What keeps a modern relationship strong?

Independence and variety are key factors. Having a lifestyle outside of the relationship, will keep you whole. Variety can be created by changing up routine, like communication style, date activities and sexual pleasure.

4) How has the internet changed the role of the wingman over the past few years? Has it made things easier or more difficult for you?

I believe a wingman can do so much more with the internet — if you know what you’re doing. We are more transparent and exposed than ever before thanks to the internet so our responsibilities as a wingman have evolved. People now care about your social circle and it’s a direct reflection of you.

5) What’s the worst pick up line you’ve ever heard?

A guy went up to a woman with a notepad and told her he was conducting a survey on attractive women dating average guys. She had a good laugh — whether it was at him or with him is still unknown — but after that died out, the conversation went nowhere quickly.

So there you have it! More great advice. Take it, love it, live it. And if you’re still stuck being single, you’re always welcome here. Home (TWIDY) is where the (broken) heart is!

0

Ask An Expert – Nic Johnson


Hey TWIDY fans! Time for our second installment of “Ask An Expert”…because we know you still need help.

Nicole Johnson is today’s expert! Nic is a dating and relationship coach at Personal Edge Consulting and also the other half of the dynamic duo that make up Nic and Neely’s Dating Marketplace (Neely’s post can be found here), a talk show covering all things related to dating, love, sex, and relationships. TWIDY asked her five relationship questions and here are her brilliant responses:

1) How has being in relationships changed over the last 10 years?

Over the past 10 years, the evolution of technology (especially dating technology) has caused men and women to be extremely egocentric. Currently, aside from being self absorbed, people in the dating marketplace are programmed for instant gratification and have unrealistic expectations of each other. In my professional opinion, technology has crippled the dating marketplace.

2) What’s the biggest mistake people make in relationships?

One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is not knowing how to communicate. Effective communication is the life-blood to all successful relationships and marriages.

3) Who is your favorite celebrity couple right now?

I don’t believe in having a favorite celebrity couple. People should emulate tangible, relatable relationships. That said, aside from my own marriage, my Mother and Father have a perfect 40 year marriage. They are my inspiration!

4) What is important to ensure a strong, healthy relationship?

The ability to give and receive love is the foundation for every strong, healthy relationship. Aside from love, successful relationships are based upon chemistry, compatibility, trust, and honesty.

5) Has Facebook started more relationships than it has ended?

As a Dating and Relationship Coach, I believe Facebook does not enhance romantic relationships. From cyber-cheating to cyber-snooping, Facebook is responsible for the decadence of human relationships. The majority of men and women (especially women) do not have the capacity to control the urge to spy on present or former lovers. Additionally, Facebook has caused people to lose perspective about when to stop sharing information about themselves. A degree of mystery will always be alluring!

Thanks again Nic! Stay tuned next week when we talk with another relationship expert!

0

Ask An Expert – Neely Steinberg


Neely Steinberg TWIDY fans know all about heart break – it’s time they heard from a relationship expert to guide them through the pain!

Neely Steinberg is one half of the dynamic duo that make up Nic and Neely’s Dating Marketplace, a talk show covering all things related to dating, love, sex, and relationships.  TWIDY asked her five burning relationship questions:

1) How has being in a relationship changed over the last 10 years?
I think social media has changed the name of the game a lot – relationships are harder to start and harder to maintain because of social networking sites. We are also living in a world of instant gratification, and dating ADD is rampant as a result. That’s certainly why something like online dating can be tricky – it’s the paradox of choice. You have so many options at your fingertips. Sometimes it can be hard to focus on just one person, and then you end up with nobody.

I think it can be easy in today’s day and age to fall into that trap of always looking for someone better, someone cuter, someone smarter with whom to be in a relationship, without even doing an honest self-evaluation (how smart are you? how attractive are you? etc.).

Lastly, I think the internet in general has definitely made it easier to stray from relationships. If you’re having problems with your partner, it’s a hell of a lot easier to start chatting it up with someone online instead of focusing on fixing your relationship. So that ADD mentality can extend to relationships as well. But a good thing is that people are waiting a bit longer to settle down, and I think that can be very helpful for self-growth. The divorce rate is a lot lower for couples who marry after 30.

2) What’s the biggest mistake people make in relationships?
Having ridiculously high expectations of one another.  And trying to change your partner.

3) Who is your favorite celebrity couple right now?

Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez. Kidding. Hmmm…I kind of like Reese Witherspoon and her new hubby.  Reese seems like she’s got a good head on her shoulders, and a positive and realistic approach to relationships. I just saw pictures of the two of them in some gossip magazine and they appear to be adorably happy. Then again, like most celebrity couples who look/seem so happy, they could break up a year from now.

Try never to look at other people’s relationships at face value (because then you start comparing, and that is the kiss of death). There’s often stuff going on behind the scenes, and certainly the happy celebrity couples who claim to be sooooo in love and perfect for one another are the biggest offenders of this.

4) What is important to ensure a strong, healthy relationship?

Open and constant communication (about all subjects, no matter how awkward). Putting the other first whenever possible. Don’t get lazy in your relationship (don’t fall into complacency). And knowing you are with someone who allows you to be you.

5) Has Facebook started more relationships than it has ended?

I’m afraid you’ll have to ask Zuckerberg about this one. I’m sure he’s got stats somewhere. :)
1

Let’s Do Something Together…


Where do you go to meet people? When you’re single, one of the first things your friends advise (completely unsolicited, usually) is to pursue a hobby. After all, that’s the best way to meet new people. Many of us have met significant others doing things we love the most, whether it’s sports, music, or community service. Without those hobbies, it’s quite possible you never would have crossed paths in the first place. Finally! Someone who shares my love of the art of origami and 18th century Russian literature! Those are the good examples, the real ‘serendipity’ moments. Who cares about those?

What about the hobbies you didn’t share? The hobbies your previous partners have had that drove you absolutely crazy. You may have accepted it at the time and gritted your teeth behind the scenes (or likely right in front of them) but they were terrible. Can you really tell someone you love to stop doing something they love? Probably not, you’re probably just going to add it to the long list of reasons to tell that person, “That’s Why I Dumped You.”

We discussed amongst the TWIDY team here some pet peeve hobbies of exes, and here are a few we came up with:

  • Playing the fucking guitar ALL THE TIME, even if you are trying to watch a movie, talk on the phone, have a conversation, do anything that is not guitar playing. (This TWIDY team member may have even PURCHASED a guitar and tried to learn how to play to attempt to understand the appeal and feel less annoyed. It did not work, and said guitar was recently sold on Craigslist for $150! Yay money!)
  • Obsession with movies/shows about serial killers (Honestly, it’s creepy)
  • Showw meee SCRAPBOOKING!! (Okay, this one wins, for both worst hobby and presentation)

So let us hear it, did your ex have a hobby that annoyed, disgusted, or even revolted you?! To the comments!