5

Cry Me a River


You know what makes us feel better when we dealing with a break up? Alcohol. But since we can’t blog that to you….yet….(Looking at you, Science)…we went to our next best option: music.

Some songs just speak to your soul and heal your heart and distract your mind. And also say “F You” to that girl. And that guy. And they deserve it!

The TWIDY team pulled together our Top 10 Breakup Songs.

In no particular order…..

[10] No Woman, No Cry – Bob Marley

[9] Lovefool – Cardigans

[8] Broken Glass – Annie Lennox (Ouch, right?)

[7] Rolling in the Deep – Adele

[6] Estranged – Guns N’ Roses

[5] Last Goodbye – Jeff Buckley

[4] Girls Just Want to Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper (Editor’s note: This song makes me hate being with a girl at any point in my life, it’s so grating)

[3] F You – Cee Lo

[2] Goodbye to You – Patty Smyth

[1] Love Bites – Def Leppard

Agree? Disagree? Let us know! We’d love to hear your top breakup songs in the comment section!

4

You’re Kidding, Right?


Oh hey Valentine’s Day! The gratuitous annual love fest is quickly approaching. Sure, you may have a heart-warming story about an amazing gift you received from your current or previous significant others. Adorable.

Like most people, we have absolutely no interest in hearing about that.

We want the dirt. Have you ever been dating someone and then been so dumb-founded or disgusted with a gift they gave you that you had no choice but to dump them on the spot? If so, tell us about it. We’d love to hear your stories about the worst Valentine’s day gift you’ve received. We’ll feature the best (re: worst) ones right here on TMI!

Submit your responses as comments to this blog!

1

A Valentine’s Haiku War…



Dear Girl I Live With,
Love is patient, Love is kind
But I’m not, get out.

 


Dear Boy on MY Couch,
Take your XBox and shove it
I’m keeping the cat.

 


Keep the cat, lady
Go kick start your collection
You’re gonna miss me.

 


You can’t cook or clean
The sex is sub-par at best
You have no life skills.

 


Drinking wine, crying,
Watching Sex & the City
Is not a life skill.



You aren’t even nice
F*ck this I’m building a site
To tell the whole world…
 

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Got any poems of your own? We’d LOOOOVE to see them. Post in the comments!

1

Let’s Do Something Together…


Where do you go to meet people? When you’re single, one of the first things your friends advise (completely unsolicited, usually) is to pursue a hobby. After all, that’s the best way to meet new people. Many of us have met significant others doing things we love the most, whether it’s sports, music, or community service. Without those hobbies, it’s quite possible you never would have crossed paths in the first place. Finally! Someone who shares my love of the art of origami and 18th century Russian literature! Those are the good examples, the real ‘serendipity’ moments. Who cares about those?

What about the hobbies you didn’t share? The hobbies your previous partners have had that drove you absolutely crazy. You may have accepted it at the time and gritted your teeth behind the scenes (or likely right in front of them) but they were terrible. Can you really tell someone you love to stop doing something they love? Probably not, you’re probably just going to add it to the long list of reasons to tell that person, “That’s Why I Dumped You.”

We discussed amongst the TWIDY team here some pet peeve hobbies of exes, and here are a few we came up with:

  • Playing the fucking guitar ALL THE TIME, even if you are trying to watch a movie, talk on the phone, have a conversation, do anything that is not guitar playing. (This TWIDY team member may have even PURCHASED a guitar and tried to learn how to play to attempt to understand the appeal and feel less annoyed. It did not work, and said guitar was recently sold on Craigslist for $150! Yay money!)
  • Obsession with movies/shows about serial killers (Honestly, it’s creepy)
  • Showw meee SCRAPBOOKING!! (Okay, this one wins, for both worst hobby and presentation)

So let us hear it, did your ex have a hobby that annoyed, disgusted, or even revolted you?! To the comments!

1

Ask An Expert – Mike Masters


We’ve heard that some of our loyal fans need some additional relationship advice, so here’s our latest installment of Ask an Expert! Today’s expert is Mike Masters, relationship author extraordinaire who currently has 4 books published helping you get into new and handle getting out of old relationships.

1) What’s the best breakup story related to Facebook have you heard?

Oh lord, FB can be a horrible place for breakups and general crappiness. A close friend and his fiancé broke up a few years ago, but after they did, her new boyfriend found out they had posted an adult video on a prominent website. My friend couldn’t remove the vid as the website now owned it. The ex GF’s new BF couldn’t accept this, so he called my friend’s work and got him fired from his job by referencing the video. My friend retaliated by contacting their 500 plus FB friends, saying, “Check out Linda’s latest performance!” Which was linked to the adult video. I don’t think, mom, dad, brother, sister, boss were too excited to see this link, well maybe the boss didn’t mind.

2) What do you think the next technology that will really change relationships is?

I think that tech is already here and it is the iPhone. People just don’t realize yet how it is changing the dating scene. The apps that are out, and going to come out are the key, not the phone itself. For example, using your FB app and adding someone is effortless, and so much less intimidating than getting a phone number. The app “bump” allows you to just bang phones and exchange info. Grinder, is an awesome app to meet people in your area, but unfortunately just for the gay crowd. Google Latitude, allows you to know the location of all your friends. (Imagine if your BF or GF always knew your location, bit of a problem!) I even want to make an app associated with my Texting book called “Drunk Lock!” you would turn it on before drinking, locking yourself out of FB, and certain phone numbers, unless you can successfully preform a physical task to unlock your phone. That way when you are on your 6th tequila shot you won’t be able to post on your ex girlfriend’s FB wall and say, “Hony, I mis, you sooo much. Stp sex with you boss an pleaes try again???”

3) What’s the worst text you can send to someone you’ve just started dating?

It really isn’t about saying anything in particular, it is about how you are perceived. You see, initial contact is super delicate. Both of you are assessing each other, and if one person comes off even slightly too intense/weak, the game is over. This is why people need to be very cautious with balance initially, since this is the time when sexual tension is created. This particular problem addresses 90% of the questions I get from readers. Something like, “Help! I read your book and I realized why I messed up big time, can you help me gain their interest again??” Unfortunately, getting someone back on the line after messing up the balance is like trying to climb a tree upside down. Possible, but probably better not to bother.

4) What characteristics make the ideal partner in a relationship?

This has a lot more to do with you than it does with “them” and it is an awfully complicated topic, but fortunately I have summarized this before and this list likely
will become a short book.

Conditions necessary for positive tension and healthy relationships:

  • Independent strength – you are strong and you do not need the other’s strength
    to survive.
  • Intelligence – equal and balanced, both of you look up to the other.
  • Opinionated – Lovers don’t need to have the same world-view, in fact to push
    your partner to a new understanding of the world is a beautiful gift.
  • Demanding of respect – Without this, no love can maintain. You must be willing
    to lose what you love in order to protect who you are.
  • Continuous desire for growth – This must be present and equal in both partners,
    you don’t need to be moving in the same direction, but you must be moving at
    the same speed.
  • Equal physical/sexual attraction – If you can look at your lover and say, “My
    god… is that who I am going to make love to tonight?” Wow, is there any greater
    positive sexual tension than this? (However, Love sheds pounds and fixes
    hairlines)
  • Intellectual connection – Intelligence is not enough, you must love and enjoy the
    beautiful pattern of thought the other person weaves, knitting yourself into their
    being.
  • Fun, Humor and delight – Without laughter and joy, what relationship can be
    whole?
  • Communication – This is the glue that binds your resonance, without it your
    pattern will unravel and the connection will be lost. It is a skill, and one you have
    to constantly maintain.

5) What’s the most common ‘red flag’ that a relationship is doomed?

Gottman, J.M. summarized this in his book on “Why marriages succeed or fail and how you can make yours last”
Here are his stages:

1st Criticism
2nd Contempt
3rd Defensiveness
4th Stonewalling

The true “red flag” or tipping point in any relationship is contempt. Once this stage has been reached it is pretty much impossible for any relationship to recover.

This tipping point usually occurs because there is a lack of power balance in the relationship, and one partner “abuses” the other partner in order to get them to reestablish the balance or force them to “step-up”. However, what usually happens is the weaker partner, becomes smaller out of fear. This of course, is the opposite of what to do and the dominant partner becomes disgusted, and puts even more pressure on the relationship until they hit a breaking point.

If you would like to learn more about Mike’s work please visit Mike’s Amazon author page at http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Masters/e/B004RFCRJG or visit his blog at http://www.mikethemasterdater.com

Remember, for all things relationships, TWIDY is here to help!